Late-Night Comics Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Late-night's top comedians spent their broadcast mocking President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," characterizing it as a clear pay-to-play system for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Spin

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he handles."

Colbert's target was the new program that allows overseas individuals to buy U.S. residence for a sum of a million dollars, or "premium" option for 5 million. The program's page promises approval "with unprecedented speed."

"One message for you to rich foreigners: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the card is also intended to "get cash" from firms wishing to hire skilled workers, with significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get two free nights at a property of your choice – if it's the a specific Marriott," he continued.

"Unprecedented background check the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"It might be time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval numbers during economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to address cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of food items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative media coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Maybe instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.